To become a man’s wife, all that was needed was the consummation (intercourse). Often times, this was all that would take place. Yet, even before Israel was truly formed, some men would take the time to go through a process for his bride. Examples: Abraham/Isaac/Rebecca and also Jacob and Rachel. It wasn’t until the Torah (Deut 24) that God required a man to “take” a wife in this form: as a business transaction.
This only sounds bad for us modern folks, but in reality, this gives the wife value and a guarantee of provisions and protection even if the groom shall die or divorce her. It forces the groom to make an effort to ensure her livelihood regardless of future events.
Terms
Kidushin- to make holy, to set apart. This term is used for the whole betrothal process: the bride is being set apart for the groom.
Yada- to know in an intimate way.
Shadkhan- the matchmaker. Usually the groom’s father
Kichah- the term for “take”/ aquires: a business term. Used for when a man “takes” a wife (Deut 24:1).
Ba’al- owner, master, husband
Be-ulah- owned one. Wife.
Ketubah: the contract in the betrothal listing the stipulations involved, the provisions, and promises.
Mohar: the bride price. Given to compensate the father of the bride for a loss of a servant, and also as compensation for the bride in case husband dies.
Mattan: other gifts for the bride.
Mikvah: a pool of water set aside for purification purposes. For consecration. This term used for when the bride consecrates herself for her husband at some point in between being betrothed and the wedding ceremony. Like baptism.
Huppah: the room/canopy. Started out as the “chamber” groom would take bride to to consummate the marriage. Later, became a “canopy” and symbolic for the room.
Aperion: something the bride sits in, enclosed, that is carried to the groom’s house to complete the wedding process.
The Betrothal Process in a Nutshell
1.Groom’s father chooses a bride for his son.
2.Bride hasn’t seen groom but learns about him through his servant.
3. Betrothal. An official ceremony betrothing the bride and groom in front of witnesses (usually their families), containing the ketubah, mohar, mattan, a celebratory meal, sealed by the wine cup.
4. Groom goes off to prepare a place for the bride (usually at his father’s house) He does not know when he will return, only his father knows. Otherwise groom would “jump the gun” and gather his bride way too early. This usually takes months to a year or so.
5. Bride prepares herself for when the groom shall return. She consecrates herself with the mikvah, and is reminded and hopeful for the groom because of the gifts he has given her to remind her of him. Her bridesmaids keep watch for his return.
6. Groom returns to gather his bride. This usually happens at night with a processions of his friends and family leading the way.
7. His friends carry her back to the groom’s house/chambers on an aperion.
8.Consummation in the chambers while the “friend of the groom” waits outside the chambers for the groom to announce that consummation has taken place.
9. 7 day celebration with a wedding supper and sealed by the second wine cup.